When I complain, I give my power away!

When I compainI give my power away, blog post (1)

When I complain I give my power away! To understand clearly what this means, I would like to invite you to read  an article I wrote,  “I am not a victim”, that explains clearly this dynamic.

To  be very honest with you doing the 21 days challenge to quit complaining litterally changed my life… It allowed me to stop resisting what was ” happenning to me” and instead be in the flow of my own life. I am now present to each day, present to my family and I get to enjoy all of it. And when something happens that I want to change, then I can concentrate my energy on the solution instead of being a victim of the situation.

I invite you to join the growing movement of people who choose to stop being victims of their lives and to become actors of change. Join the 21 day Iquitcomplaining {… and bitching} challenge at anytime.

I would be honored if you shared your experiences, challenges – successes, on this blog and I will answer any questions you might have.

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

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Maybe there is more that brings us together than we think!

Three beautiful minutes!

Thank you TV2 Denmark  for this video, I shared it recently on my english Facebook page.

It brings up interesting and relevant points about how different we are… and, despite those differences, the communality of our human experience.

When we get rid of the habit of complaining in our lives, we begin to create space to see the beauty all around us, and the beauty in people different from us. The habit of judging others disappears…

 

Join the “I quit complaining {…and bitching}”  challenge at anytime… it is free! Become part of the growing movement of people who choose to refuse to be victims of their lives and of others!

#actdontcomplain

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

The power of Habit!

The-5

“Hundreds of habits influence our days—they guide how we get dressed in the morning, talk to our kids, and fall asleep at night; they impact what we eat for lunch, how we do business, and whether we exercise or have a beer after work. Each of them has a different cue and offers a unique reward. Some are simple and others are complex, drawing upon emotional triggers and offering subtle neuro chemical prizes. But every habit, no matter its complexity, is malleable. The most severely addicted alcoholics can become sober. The most dysfunctional companies can transform themselves. A high school dropout can become a successful manager. However, to modify a habit, you must decide to change it. You must consciously accept the hard work of identifying the cues and rewards that drive the habit’s routines, then find alternatives and support. You must know you have control and be self-conscious enough to use it—and every chapter in this book is devoted to illustrating a different aspect of why that control is real.”

—Charles Duhigg from The Power of Habit

When I decided to start my 21 Day Challenge to Quit Complaining I did it because I realized that I was constantly “resisting” my days.  I was not conscious of this dynamic because the resistance was mild but it was always there and it showed up in those complaints. I would come home and complain about the mess in my house, the dirty dishes in the sink, about other cars on the road (bad driving is like bad breath, you notice it only when it is someone else’s!) I was complaining about my emails or about my Internet provider – all day long without being aware of it, I was resisting. It was a habit!

I did not want to realize on my deathbed that I had spent my entire life resisting it. I wanted to savor this life – with the messy house, with the demanding kids, with the emails… I wanted to create a new relationship with my (not always very sexy) life.

I undertook a challenge because I wanted to set myself free from this habit.  I knew that having the “intention” to embrace my everyday frustrations with a positive attitude was not going to be enough; I knew that the next day I was going to get caught up in the spiral of daily routines and that I was simply going to forget my good intention.

I wanted to train my brain and create new habits, habits that would set me free from falling into “victim mode,” habits that would allow me to be more present and more responsible in my life.

Can you identify negative habits that get in the way of fully enjoying your life?

If complaining is one of them, I invite you to start the challenge today!

You can read in more detail about the beginning of my journey with the challenge here. The challenge may take you 21 days or an even a year, but I guarantee it will change your life!

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

 

A powerful tool, concrete and delicious!

Those of you who follow my writing and the message I bring know that two of my favorite themes are learn not to be a victim of everyday life and dare to take risks.

Today I am sharing with you a delicious, concrete and powerful tool that has the potential to transform your life – the gratitude list.

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It’s easy!

What you need:

A pencil or pen and something to write on.

You will place them close to your bed or on your desk.

How?

Every night before you sleep, write down everything that was positive in your day.

Regardless of the trials, you were faced with in that day, write a list of things, people, and events that brought you well-being and made you grateful.

The point is not to write a novel!

At the beginning, especially when we are confronted with a particularly trying day, it may seem impossible.

So we delve a little deeper and we write things that we tend to consider “a given,” such as,

-I am healthy

-I have enough to eat

-I have a comfortable bed

-I have a job…

The following day may be a very good day and you’ll find plenty of other things to write, such as,

-I am healthy

-I had enough to eat

-I have a comfortable bed

-I have a job

-My colleagues and I had a very nice lunch

-My daughter scored 10 out of 10 in math

-I love my yoga class

-My sister visited me

-It was sunny all morning …

By practicing this little exercise every day, you will find that you’ll discover more and more ‘little things’ for which you are grateful that you were not necessarily conscious of…

-The cat is purring

-My neighbor smiled at me

-There was no traffic on the freeway

-I heard an interesting interview on the radio…

In short, all those little details that give flavor to our daily lives and which, once finally recognized and appreciated, help us little by little to build a whole new perspective on life. Your gratitude list will help shine a light on the ‘beautiful and the good’ around you.

It will help you to appreciate and therefore cultivate the abundance and brilliance of your life.

Try it and see.

I assure you that cultivating gratitude is worth it!

Neuroscience proves it; I recommend this article based on research conducted at the University of Berkeley in California  “expanding the science and practice of gratitude”

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

Everyday new opportunities arise!

My “ordinary” life becomes extra{ordinary} when I recognize that I have talents and choose to activate them!

Every day life... (1)

 

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

6 steps to communicate so that you can be heard

A few months ago I wrote an article titled: Learning to express our needs and frustrations differently.part 1 and part 2

Today I want to share with you a visual that I have created to remind myself of this process. I printed it, taped it to my fridge and I am using it every day.

Because sometimes we do have something to say to the people around us. We do need them to help us meet our needs. But it’s not always easy to communicate. The more important the need is, the more chances we have to slip into our blaming and complaining habit and let’s face it it’s exhausting to complain and not feel heard.

6 steps canva

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com and visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

I am not a victim!

We are the victim when it comes to our boss, our job (or our lack of employment), the political crisis, our spouse, our family… you’ll notice that we often talk about ourselves as victims. We expend a lot of energy pointing out it’s not our fault – it’s the other person’s fault (our spouse, our children, our boss, our colleague, the President, the administration, service providers) we are in this mess!

I found out for myself that I had managed to develop a talent for pointing the finger at the culprits in my life. In a way, it’s fun to be a victim because if the others are wrong then I am necessarily right. If the other person is guilty then it is up to him to find a solution to the problem, not me. But in the end, what this means (annoyingly enough) is that if the blame is squarely on the other person, I am powerless to do anything.

I have the power to choose to not be a victim! (2)

It is true that it is often easier to be a victim than someone who acts, but when I decide that I am the victim I no longer have the power to take control of my life. In the end, it’s me who suffers the real consequences. Wouldn’t you agree?

When I cast myself as a victim I choose to give my power to the person who is supposedly “guilty.” By pointing the finger I make them the master of my destiny. I realized one day that I was able to refuse to function this way and I have no doubt that you can as well.

We talk to our friends, our relatives, our colleagues, about our lives because we need to interact and share our problems and, yes, that is an inherent part of love and friendship, as are compassion and support… All that is good. I am not saying that we cannot discuss our problems and share our suffering, far from it. But we have the power to REFUSE to cast ourselves as victims of anything, or anyone.

This is one of the biggest revelations of my life, that I was casting myself as a victim and I could easily choose not to.

I think it’s amazing to realize that we have that choice!

By looking at how we talk about ourselves and our problems, we have the choice to either give our power to the so-called culprits… Or not.

Imagine, if you are a no longer a victim, if others are not guilty… Then anything is possible! No?

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.comand visit her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal the best version of yourself each day!

Stop Complaining and Just Do IT !

Stop Complaining !  Let go! Just Do it! We KNOW what we need to do to be happier in our lives. We have ” Haha!” moments, intuitive insights but then the next day or sometimes even the following hour, doubt takes over and we don’t follow through on our good intentions! We KNOW what we need to do but somehow we find a thousand excuses not to start and we procrastinate!

I can’t do it today, I already have too many things going on, I’ll start tomorrow!” In the end, we let other things take over and watch our lives go by as a spectator. The hardest part is to CHOOSE to live a better life and START to do IT! The “IT” that we want to do does not yet have a place in our busy lives and starting means to make room for it. Choosing to do “IT” instead of answering all the emails, surfing the web, having another cup of tea, starting a load of laundry or watching something on TV etc..

possible

I am always surprised to notice how my emails can become much more important than what I KNOW will contribute to my life. Sometimes I just want to shout ” Stop sending  me emails!” ” I have a life to live!” ( hummmmm…am I complaining, now?)

I am becoming more and more aware of all those times when I want to give to others before giving to myself. I have important ( or not) emails in my box or comments on my blog and I have the urge to reply right away and I end up choosing to give “to myself”, later.

Today, I feel that I must focus on my wellbeing and happiness FIRST in my life. My biggest responsibility in life is to take care of me. In doing so, I will be nourished, inspired, happy , in good health to better ( and not more) help others and contribute.

“What” I want to do personally at this point in my life, is to create a bigger discipline in my life and a daily ritual which will contribute to my wellbeing . This “IT’, I’ve been thinking about it for the last 2 months and it is time that I turn this “idea” into a “reality” because in the long run just thinking about it and thinking I’ll get to do it one day , well it makes my head spin! ….

What is  this “IT” that you’ve  been procrastinating about in your life?

Love and Respect,

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Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author. She is committed  to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit”  on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

IQC Visual

[Flashback ] The First Few Days of My 21 Day Challenge

My 21 days without complaining challenge really was paved with discoveries and realizations from the very beginning. During the first few days, I went through what I call the “bracelet dance”. From the left wrist to the right wrist, and so forth… All day long. I was very happy that I picked a stretchy bracelet (very practical)!

Then I became aware that if I wanted to stop having to start from day 1 every day, it was of the utmost importance that I start becoming aware of the situations that pushed me to complain and see if I could avoid them. This way, I clearly identified that the morning was my most dangerous moment of the day (followed closely by bed time) with three daughters, breakfast, packing lunches, three different schools and the clock that keeps on ticking…Danger was straight ahead!

Every morning, I found myself complaining, whining, feeling rushed, oppressed, trying to monitor my kids: “Get ready, eat your breakfast, how can you not know where your shoes are? Hurry, hurry, hurry!”

It really wasn’t a good way to start my day. In an ideal setting, I wanted mornings to be calm, a nice family moment to be at peace with my daughters before parting ways for school and work.

So I asked myself what I could do to avoid putting myself in these situations. It seemed to be the more efficient strategy to really stop complaining. If I eliminated the reason to complain, then the challenge would be easier! No more having to keep it to myself! With this in mind, I slowly implemented some changes:

# I asked my daughters to get their own school lunch ready the night before (not all schools have a cafeteria)

# I created a routine with them: they pick their outfits the night before (as for the shoes, we are still working on that!)

# I started to get my coffee machine ready the night before.

# I finally managed to get up earlier (which had seemed impossible).

This challenge quickly made me realize how important it is to be clear about what works for me and what doesn’t. So I gave myself the mission to avoid the situations I know will make me complain.

# If I’m still sitting at my desk at 6pm when it’s my turn to make dinner, I know that soon my kids will be asking to eat and that will stress me out – I can either stop working and make dinner or stay at work and assume my own choice later without complaining.

# If I have an important appointment, I leave 10 minutes earlier instead of trying to get “one more thing done” that will inevitably make me late.

To this day, this idea of avoiding situations that generate frustration or stress has become my priority and, each time I can see trouble heading my way in that sense, I get back on track as soon as possible. No more waiting to reach the deep end.

As a matter of fact, this challenge quickly demonstrated that the idea is not to take in everything with a smile, or to force ourselves to see life through rose-colored glasses. It is actually the opposite; it is a project to help us develop a new way of life. To live moments with more pleasure and, if it’s really not going well, assuming our part of responsibility and see what can be done to reorganize things or do them differently.

Those who attempt the challenge by adopting the “take it all in with a smile” approach cannot last for more than a few hours or a few days. And, in the end, they have not obtained the expected result of a happier, more serene and fuller life.

Love and Respect,

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Christine Lewicki

Want to you use this article in your newsletter, blog, or on your website? You can, as long as you include the following blurb:

“Christine Lewicki is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com

 

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