When we feel like a victim, victimized by our boss, our job, (or lack of job), the economic crisis, politics, spouse, our family, we tend to victimize ourselves on our own especially in our conversations. We waste a lot of energy blaming others and not taking any responsibility. It’s everybody’s fault – our spouse, children, boss, colleagues, the President, the administration, service providers – and the list goes on and on…. and on! We have nothing to do with it!
Personally, I discovered that I became quite an expert and developed a talent to point the fingers at all the guilty people in my life. In some ways, it’s pleasant to be a victim because if the other person is wrong then it must means I am right! If the other person is guilty then it’s his or her responsibility to find a solution to the problem, it’s not mine! But in the end , what I found very troublesome lying just under the surface is that if I accuse the other person then it really implies that I am powerless and can do nothing about the situation!
Sometimes it’s actually easier to be a victim than to have the courage to stand up and take some action. When I act like a victim, I am in fact really giving away all my power to be able to create my own reality. In the end, I am the one who will suffer the consequences.
When I position myself as a victim in my conversations, I am making a choice to surrender my power to all the “guilty people” in my life. I point the finger and put my life and destiny in their hands. One day I understood that I had the power to refuse pointing the finger and take full responsibility for my feelings and actions. Everyone can do it too!
In our conversations when we talk to our friends, family or colleagues about our life, we all have a need to open-up and share our problems . Close friends and our loved ones can provide this safety net of non-judgemental compassion and support. I am not saying that we cannot talk about our worries or problems, but we have to remember that we also have the power to REFUSE to play the role of a victim
This was a great eye-opener for me in my life! I became aware that I was the one who victimized myself in my conversations and that in the end I had the choice to stop doing it. I realized that when I act like a victim, I am actually giving away my power to others and empowering the guilty ones. It’s not my fault therefore I can do nothing about it and I am powerless to find a solution to my problem.
It’s a great feeling when we become aware that we can choose not to give away our power! By changing what we say in our conversations , we can choose to empower the guilty ones or not.
Imagine, if you no longer point the finger and play the victim , if others are not guilty either then everything becomes possible, doesn’t it?
What are your thoughts?
Love and Respect,
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“Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to help people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE ”I Quit Complaining Starter Kit” on her blog www.iquitcomplaining.com